Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Third Edition

Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts

By: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson

Narrated by: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson

Length: 12 hrs and 11 mins

Publisher's summary

Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell?

Renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right - a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong.

Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception - how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it.

©2020 Carol Tavris (P)2020 Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

Mistakes Were Made (but not by the authors?)

Good presentation of long-standing value of CD theory gives us all something to ponder deeply when we want to stand up for our actions/beliefs/motives. Empowers us to step outside our own thinking and feeling to find resolve and quiet the crazy cycle that promotes conflict in human relationships.
However, I kept wanting to ask “why do the authors exclude themselves from falling into the same trap they claim we’re all in?” Their assumptions are often (and I mean OFTEN) presented as fact and gross oversimplifications are staggering when discussing sociological dynamics of politics. You might want to skip those parts. Taints the value of the psychological perspectives of a lifetime of work.
New chapter is laughable as of date in my opinion. They could have just said “Donald Trump struggles with NPD and we as a democracy have scrambled to manage his disorder in our opinion. At least he didn’t start a war (uh... We mean a “conflict” like another narcissist LBJ).” That could’ve explained it painlessly compared to attempting to give us pages of bloody details and then trivializing all motives of his support base and cabinet. Just unnecessary and certainly incomplete I think. But maybe I’m self-justifying my decision to NOT vote for Trump!?!

How we can lose sight of our goals and core values

It is amazing how wrapped up we get in ourselves and what’s going on around us. we can easily of what our true core values are if we are not watching this was very eye-opening to me

Falls victim to it's own message.

I'm not even a Trump supporter and this book definitely fell victim to it's own message at the end. And for some reason just saying that seems to keep my review from being published...

Beyond that, it's a great book. I would have given it four stars if not for the complete collapse at the end.

Great Insight for being a Human

The authors are the researchers, which is nice because despite their best efforts bookwriters can’t know the material as intimately as the scientists. Researchers aren’t always the best communicators, but luckily Tavris and Aronson are. Human motivation and our unconscious self-rationalization is completely natural AND completely ruinous individually and as societies. The book takes you through personal, legal, political and societal pitfalls that are all too common and also MUST be acknowledged in order to make better decisions in our relationships and collectively. The 2020 revision is highly recommended. Please read and share.

An extremely important message

This will change your understanding of human behavior. Many unreasonable things that people (and you) do will begin to make sense.

Listen and learn how to change your mind.

With a 2019 added final chapter about President Trump -- best listened to after absorbing the lessons of the previous chapters.

Mixed value due to mind reading & kangaroo courts

1) Sometimes someone stays in a toxic personal, business, or governance relationship for unselfish reasons, but the author makes claims about what they must have been thinking (example: Bill Barr). 2) Making a laundry list of one side's allegations while omitting the rebuttal facts, such as omitting the contrary facts in the Michael Jackson (failed) lawsuit, which were later collated in three documentaries (MJ: Chase the Truth, Lies of Leaving Neverland, Leaving Neverland: The Aftermath). Be objective, not superficial, and consider that not all superficially evident scenarios need be what they at first seemed. Then take advantage of the wealth of insights from this type of author.

interesting to the last page

loved this book. after reading there is no doubt you'll have to reevaluate your excuses, and why you gave them. I strongly suggest reading this book, for your sake, your friends, and for your family.

important book

Deals with difficult things to explain, and does a very clear job of explaining them.

Woke before woke was Vogue!

Very biased in several areas. Gave a 3 star solely on relationships chapter otherwise not worth time or money.