The Anxious Perfectionist

How to Manage Perfectionism-Driven Anxiety Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

By: Clarissa W. Ong PhD, Michael P. Twohig PhD, Randy O. Frost PhD - foreword

Narrated by: Erin deWard

Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins

Publisher's summary

If you identify as a perfectionist, you may not see your perfectionism as a problem. But striving for unrealistic standards, basing your self-worth on meeting those standards, and engaging in persistent self-criticism will ultimately lead to anxiety, stress, worry, burnout, and unhappiness. So, how can you distinguish between "helpful" and "hurtful" perfectionism and stop holding yourself and others to unrealistically high standards?

Written by two clinical psychologists, The Anxious Perfectionist shines a much-needed light on the hidden costs of "being the best," and offers essential skills based in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to help you cope with the anxiety that is driven by your perfectionism. You'll learn how your "need to be perfect" can actually hinder your productivity, and keep you from reaching your goals. You'll also learn skills to help you gain distance from negative self-talk and criticism, let go of unhelpful and self-limiting labels such as "success" or "failure," and give yourself and others permission to make mistakes while still honoring your high aspirations.

If you're struggling with feelings of anxiety and stress, and suspect your perfectionism may be to blame, this guide will show you how to stop getting in the way of your own success, and live a life guided by your deepest values.

©2022 Clarissa W. Ong and Michael P. Twohig (P)2022 Tantor

Game Changer

Since I started listening about a month ago, I've been able to change my perspective on how I navigate the world and my perfectionistic tendencies. My partner has even noticed that I've mellowed out somewhat. This book was exactly what I needed. For reference, a month ago I would find myself stress crying in a small closet in my home about dishes and things not being done the way I'd planned or liked them to. I've learned to let things go. Before this book, I already knew that I needed to learn to let things go and accept that I can't be perfect (no one can; it doesn't exist). However the many real life examples, powerful imagery, and thought-provoking questions really stuck with me. Of course, as the authors remind us in the end, the tools help but it's up to the reader to practice using them every day. I hope to buy a physical copy of this book as a reminder that I CAN change and lead a happier life led by values that truly matter to me and not by what I think I should be doing. I know this book won't work for everyone and some parts will be less useful than others, but it's worth a listen at the very least if you're considering how to manage your perfectionism. I was initially hesitant about getting this one because I don't consider myself to be an anxious person or to have anxiety, but don't be misled by the title. Perfectionism is indeed anxiety-filled and it's okay. Give this book a shot.

I'll also add that the narrator does a phenomenal job of emoting and adding meaningful tone to the words. This book is a new favorite of mine that I have already mentioned to a number of my friends and colleagues.

Functional and Descriptive

The writing flows with each explanation and offers abstract maliable solutions for complex issues. This is a great book for evaluating your mindset both in and out of the rules you set for yourself. It has a stop and consider tone which doesn't project a definitive answer but rather offers tools for qualitative evaluation. I recommend reading/listening to this book.