-
Mooses with Bazookas
- And Other Stories Children Should Never Read
- Narrated by: S. D. Smith, Rob Riggle, Joel Clarkson, Sarah Mackenzie, Gina Smith, Andy Harvey
- Length: 2 hrs and 23 mins
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Publisher's summary
Mooses with Bazookas: And Other Stories Children Should Never Read is a fun collection of stories. It’s exactly like The Count of Monte Cristo apart from the many differences. Our lawyers have instructed us to warn you that listening to it may directly cause you to come down with every single disease you are worried about contracting. On the plus side, our nation’s beloved and heroic critics have had their say.
“FANTASTIC is not a word that comes to mind.”
—Beth Hinkle, author of Elite Prose
“ASTOUNDING problems at the sentence level and beyond.”
—Dr. Roger Johns, Ph. D.
“S. D. SMITH IS in dire need of A GENIUS editor.”
—Art Simonson, Inner Ring Magazine
“This author had nothing MUCH BETTER to do THAN destroy the language of DICKENS, SHAKESPEARE, AUSTEN!”
—Yammy Tork, Good Lit Guild
S. D. Smith has been called “America’s aft-most wordsmith” and is the award-losing author of more than ten books and less than thirty-seven books. He is half-man, half-rabbit, and half-mathematician. He lives in West Virginia with his wife and four children, because it would be kinda weird to live with some other family and super weird not to live in West Virginia.
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- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 2 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Battered, but determined, Whitson Mariner leads his displaced rabbits into new dangers on a journey to their undiscovered home. Whitson the king, Lillie the queen, Prince Lander, and loyal Massie Burnson must rise from the wreckage of betrayal to rescue the cause once more.
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I appreciate a good book
- By RobinBRoberts on 12-07-18
By: S. D. Smith
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The Last Archer
- Green Ember Archer, Book 1
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 1 hr and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Jo is a gifted archer with a burden on his back and a fire within. Eager to see the Longtreaders receive justice, he travels from his Halfwind Citadel home to a Cloud Mountain poised on the brink of war. What he finds there will confront his convictions and test his resolve as the war begins and King Jupiter's heir is revealed. A kingdom in the balance. An arrow aimed at the heart of darkness. Who will take the shot?
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“That was a great story.”
- By CW on 12-22-17
By: S. D. Smith
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The Bark of the Bog Owl
- The Wilderking Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Rogers
- Narrated by: Jonathan Rogers
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
12-year-old Aidan Errolson, comes from a long line of adventurers. His grandparents were among the first settlers of Corenwald's Eastern Frontier. His father had been one of the kingdom's greatest warriors. Aidan, on the other hand, lives the quiet, comfortable life, of a nobleman's son. He never has any real adventures, and that, he believes, is the one great injustice of his otherwise happy life. All that will change the day he first hears the bark of the bog owl, and meets Dobro Turtlebane.
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Our Family's New Favorite!
- By Charles Yates on 12-31-18
By: Jonathan Rogers
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Adventures with Waffles
- By: Maria Parr, Guy Puzey - translator, Kate Forrester - illustrator
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 3 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Hardly a day passes without Trille and Lena inventing some kind of adventure that often ends in trouble. Whether it's coaxing a cow onto a boat or tobogganing down the steepest and iciest hill with a chicken, there is always a thrill - and sometimes an injury - to be had. Trille loves to share everything with Lena, even Auntie Granny's waffles, which make everything just perfect. But when Lena has to move away, and Auntie Granny leaves the world, it sometimes seems nothing will ever be right again.
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very fun!
- By AnotherCustomer on 06-28-20
By: Maria Parr, and others
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Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key
- By: S. D. Smith, J. C. Smith
- Narrated by: Zeno Robinson
- Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Jack Zulu and the Waylander's Key is an enchanting adventure in the tradition of Tolkien and Lewis, as well as Spielberg and Lucas. But this fantastical journey launches in rural West Virginia in the '80s, with a half-Appalachian, half-African kid trying to escape the town he sees defining his small, sad life. Jack discovers a gate hiding a city between 12 realms and finds out where he truly belongs in a surprising, satisfying adventure.
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Another epic tale for a great author!!
- By Shell27 on 01-26-23
By: S. D. Smith, and others
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The Black Star of Kingston
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 2 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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A century before Heather and Picket's adventures in The Green Ember, a displaced community fights for hope on the ragged edge of survival. Whitson Mariner and Fleck Blackstar face old fears and new enemies, forging a legend that will echo through the ages.
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An Enchanting Tale
- By BookWorm on 02-28-16
By: S. D. Smith
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The Wreck and Rise of Whitson Mariner
- Tales of Old Natalia Series, Book 2
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 2 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Battered, but determined, Whitson Mariner leads his displaced rabbits into new dangers on a journey to their undiscovered home. Whitson the king, Lillie the queen, Prince Lander, and loyal Massie Burnson must rise from the wreckage of betrayal to rescue the cause once more.
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I appreciate a good book
- By RobinBRoberts on 12-07-18
By: S. D. Smith
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The Last Archer
- Green Ember Archer, Book 1
- By: S. D. Smith
- Narrated by: Eric Fritzius
- Length: 1 hr and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Jo is a gifted archer with a burden on his back and a fire within. Eager to see the Longtreaders receive justice, he travels from his Halfwind Citadel home to a Cloud Mountain poised on the brink of war. What he finds there will confront his convictions and test his resolve as the war begins and King Jupiter's heir is revealed. A kingdom in the balance. An arrow aimed at the heart of darkness. Who will take the shot?
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“That was a great story.”
- By CW on 12-22-17
By: S. D. Smith
-
The Bark of the Bog Owl
- The Wilderking Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Rogers
- Narrated by: Jonathan Rogers
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
12-year-old Aidan Errolson, comes from a long line of adventurers. His grandparents were among the first settlers of Corenwald's Eastern Frontier. His father had been one of the kingdom's greatest warriors. Aidan, on the other hand, lives the quiet, comfortable life, of a nobleman's son. He never has any real adventures, and that, he believes, is the one great injustice of his otherwise happy life. All that will change the day he first hears the bark of the bog owl, and meets Dobro Turtlebane.
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Our Family's New Favorite!
- By Charles Yates on 12-31-18
By: Jonathan Rogers
-
Adventures with Waffles
- By: Maria Parr, Guy Puzey - translator, Kate Forrester - illustrator
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 3 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
Hardly a day passes without Trille and Lena inventing some kind of adventure that often ends in trouble. Whether it's coaxing a cow onto a boat or tobogganing down the steepest and iciest hill with a chicken, there is always a thrill - and sometimes an injury - to be had. Trille loves to share everything with Lena, even Auntie Granny's waffles, which make everything just perfect. But when Lena has to move away, and Auntie Granny leaves the world, it sometimes seems nothing will ever be right again.
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very fun!
- By AnotherCustomer on 06-28-20
By: Maria Parr, and others
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Homer Price
- By: Robert McCloskey
- Narrated by: Mike Ferrerir
- Length: 2 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Welcome to Centerburg! Where you can win a hundred dollars by eating all the doughnuts you want; where houses are built in a day; and where a boy named Homer Price can foil four slick bandits using nothing but his wits and pet skunk. The comic genius of Robert McCloskey and his wry look at small-town America has kept readers and listeners in stitches for generations!
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great family audiobook!
- By Raymond C Perts on 09-14-19
By: Robert McCloskey
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Bedtime Stories for Anxiety Free Kids, Volume 2
- Dinosaurs, Princesses, Astronauts and Ballerinas Teach Children to Be Patient, Confident, Calm and Joyful While They Go to Sleep
- By: Beth Camby
- Narrated by: Kaci Flaugher
- Length: 3 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Simplify your child’s bedtime routine with this calming and empowering storybook. Children will enjoy stories with fun characters including dinosaurs, princesses, astronauts, ballerinas and others. Each story is not only entertaining, but also teaches important skills in anxiety management, self-confidence building, fostering optimism, and more.
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Adorable and Supportive
- By Jaslin on 03-21-24
By: Beth Camby
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In Grandma's Attic
- Grandma's Attic
- By: Arleta Richardson
- Narrated by: Susan Hanfield
- Length: 2 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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A young girl delights in her grandmother's stories of days gone by. Sparked by keepsakes and simple questions, Grandma shares marvelous stories of mischief, discovery, and laughter, such as the time she accidentally lost the family buggy.
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Such Sweet Stories and Great Narration
- By Michelle on 09-23-23
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The Dragon's Tooth
- Ashtown Burials #1
- By: N. D. Wilson
- Narrated by: Thomas Vincent Kelly
- Length: 13 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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For two years, Cyrus and Antigone Smith have run a sagging roadside motel with their older brother, Daniel. Nothing ever seems to happen. Then a strange old man with bone tattoos arrives, demanding a specific room. Less than 24 hours later, the old man is dead. The motel has burned, and Daniel is missing. And Cyrus and Antigone are kneeling in a crowded hall, swearing an oath to an order of explorers who have long served as caretakers of the world's secrets, keepers of powerful relics from lost civilizations, and jailers to unkillable criminals.
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Great story - great narration
- By Nancy Stubbs on 11-07-11
By: N. D. Wilson
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Carry On, Mr. Bowditch
- By: Jean Lee Latham, Jim Weiss
- Narrated by: Jim Weiss
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Winner of the American Library Association's 1956 Newberry Award! Carry On, Mr. Bowditch tells the inspiring, true adventures of Nat Bowditch, a boy during the American Revolution. Nat's passion for learning and his unstoppable spirit lead him from poverty and servitude to triumph and adventure at sea. Ultimately, Nat achieves everlasting fame for revolutionizing navigation, thus streamlining voyages and saving countless lives.
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Mr.Bowditch is really smart.
- By MoDo on 04-12-24
By: Jean Lee Latham, and others
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Sarah, Plain and Tall Audio Collection
- By: Patricia MacLachlan
- Narrated by: Glenn Close
- Length: 4 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Sarah, Plain and Tall, Skylark, and Caleb's Story, all unabridged and all performed beautifully by Academy Award-winning actress Glenn Close, make up this exquisite audio collection.
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Missing Skylark, but still excellent
- By G. Rokosz on 08-22-05
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Tell Me a Story!
- A Treasury of Classics
- By: Jim Weiss
- Narrated by: Jim Weiss
- Length: 1 hr
- Unabridged
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Exciting retellings of "Goldilocks & the Three Bears," "Rumpelstiltskin," and more, from master storyteller Jim Weiss. These six stories include beloved classics like "Rumplestiltskin" along with less-familiar tales like "The Bremen Town Musicians" that are sure to become new favorites. There's also a bonus song!
By: Jim Weiss
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The Dragon and the Stone (The Dream Keeper Saga Book 1)
- The Dream Keeper Saga
- By: Kathryn Butler
- Narrated by: Shannon McManus
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Even though she’s only 12 years old, Lily McKinley already feels the weight of the world’s brokenness. She’s seen it in her mother’s exhaustion, her grandmother’s illness, and the cruelty of Adam, the bully at her school. But most tragically, she experienced it two months ago when her father died in a terrible accident. As an artistic daydreamer, Lily has a brilliant imagination to help her cope, but that imagination often gets her into trouble. One day, it transports her to a fantasy world called the Somnium Realm.
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A solid addition to your child’s library
- By Eric J. Dolce on 02-04-24
By: Kathryn Butler
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Prank Day
- By: Kel Mitchell
- Narrated by: Kel Mitchell
- Length: 3 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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From actor, producer, and comedian Kel Mitchell of Nickelodeon's All That and the film Good Burger, this laugh-aloud novel for kids follows Chase as he masterminds a series of epic pranks only to discover that they've all become real on April 2nd. When his tricks become reality in hilarious and disastrous ways, Chase must come clean. How will he set the world right again, catch the eye of his crush Zoe, and keep her from getting flattened by the refrigerator running all over town?
By: Kel Mitchell
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Abraham Lincoln and the Heart of America
- The Jim Weiss Audio Collection
- By: Jim Weiss
- Narrated by: Jim Weiss
- Length: 1 hr and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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This dramatic audiobook introduces young listeners to Abraham Lincoln’s life and explains his role in American history. Jim Weiss’ spirited narration will remind children and adults alike why Lincoln holds a special place in American history and in our hearts. This audiobook includes vivid descriptions of Lee, Grant, Stephen Douglas, Mary Todd Lincoln, Frederick Douglass, the complete Gettysburg Address, and more.
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Jim Weiss Fan
- By Amountain on 06-12-23
By: Jim Weiss
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Courage and a Clear Mind
- True Adventures of the Ancient Greeks (The Jim Weiss Audio Collection)
- By: Jim Weiss
- Narrated by: Jim Weiss
- Length: 1 hr and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Jim Weiss narrates thrilling episodes from the history and culture of ancient Greece, including the Olympics, the 300 Spartans, and the wisdom of Socrates. In these vivid, true stories, Jim takes you back 25 centuries to Golden Age Greece.
By: Jim Weiss
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Five Little Peppers and How They Grew
- By: Margaret Sidney
- Narrated by: Sally Darling
- Length: 8 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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The five Pepper children - Ben, Polly, Dave, Joel, and Phronsie - have secret plans to surprise their mother on her birthday. But how can they make those plans come true without any money? Ever since Mr. Pepper died, the Peppers have been so poor that they can’t even afford Christmas. Through all their misadventures, however, the Peppers are rich in love. From measles to monkeys, from brown bread to birthday cakes, their little house always rings with laughter and hope. Then, just when terrible tragedy nearly strikes the five little Peppers, a mysterious boy named Jasper King stumbles into their lives.
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excellent
- By Rusty Parker on 02-01-17
By: Margaret Sidney
What listeners say about Mooses with Bazookas
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Kristen
- 02-27-24
Kids say "It's Hilarious!"
My kids loved Wally Warmbottom and his hilarious letters and play on words. Mooses in Bazookas was silly, funny, and overall entertaining. The only story we didn't care for was the one about the dog and the rocket, because the kids didn't get it, and wished that it was read differently.
Otherwise, the performance was just awesome!!
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- J Hill
- 03-21-24
I like bazookas so i tried this book out and i got hooked.
Why should you not read it? Because it has guns and bazookas says Wally Warmbottom, but i disagree,all children should read this book (or books). But you should know something. IT IS SUPER SILLY. I love this book 5 stars. Plus 500 more
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- Luke Murphy
- 02-23-24
How funny this was to my kids and myself
Thank you so much for writing this. We I've been able to gather around this book and laugh. My 6 and 7 year old giggle at the quote "Of course you don't care because all you care about is essential oils" 😆
We will be enjoying this book for years to come
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- Sarah H
- 03-09-24
So much fun
Five stars! One for every kid who laughed the whole time.
I am going to put this in my memoirs.
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- Terrance Niedziela Jr.
- 02-23-24
Mooses With Bazookas Hilarious!
I enjoyed reading Mooses With Bazookas and enjoyed listening even more. The stories and letters are masterfully written and entertain with a delightful collection of verbal twists and turns. I love pun an wordplay and this book is filled with them both. Five Stars and well worth the time to listen and/or read. Check it out!
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- Erica Oglesby
- 04-01-24
Hilarious and whimsical!!
I loved this book so so much! The stories are hilarious, narrators are talented, and the bonus interview at the end is the perfect finale. S.D Smith is a wonderful author, and this book is perfect for belly laughs, hot dog buns, and deserted islands! Share this book with all your friends, and make sure to read The Green Ember series as well!! :)
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