Excuse Me, Sir!

Memoir of a Butch

By: Shaley Howard

Narrated by: Shaley Howard

Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins

Publisher's summary

As a young child, in many ways, Shaley didn’t stand a chance. Growing up as a closeted lesbian in the 1970’s, in a dysfunctional family with an often mentally unstable mother, the only thing on her mind was survival. Turning to alcohol and drugs at an early age, she thought she’d found the perfect escape from the shame of being gay and her mother’s erratic emotional roller-coaster ride.

Excuse Me, Sir! Memoir of a Butch, is a story of the outsider. It’s about what it means to be marginalized, the journey of overcoming and enduring the agony of addiction and how even in our darkest times, we can still find levity, laughter and hope.

©2023 Shaley Howard (P)2024 Shaley Howard

Critic reviews

"Shaley Howard’s “Excuse Me, Sir” is an honest & revealing account of the struggles of growing up feeling different while searching for answers in drugs and alcohol. Shaley’s search for safety can resonate with anyone who has ever been bullied or called-out because of who they are. Her struggles, failures, and “a-ha” moments in this book could help save a life and save relationships, and it is this honesty that I appreciated from page one." -Christine Havrilla, songwriter/singer/musician

"Shaley Howard excels at telling her own story of being closeted and addicted, offering hard truths along with a healthy dose of humor. She reminds us that even in the grip of life’s toughest moments, we can still laugh, and find it in ourselves to come back to the life we deserve to live." -Whitney Otto, Bestselling Author of How to Make an American Quilt

Snap it up and listen now!

Shaley's 'Excuse Me, Sir! Memoir of a Butch' is a poignant exploration of a closeted lesbian's journey in the 1970s, providing a much-needed window into queer culture. Amidst family dysfunction and addiction, and societal prejudice, Shaley's narrative is a powerful testament to resilience. This memoir not only sheds light on the challenges faced by the queer community but also celebrates the strength found in embracing one's authentic self. Thank you!!

Behold the power we wield to change lives.

Full disclosure: I know the author. She's a friend.

But that isn't related to why I'm recommending this book to each one of you... I'm recommending it because it is resonant with a shared human experience. If you have ever questioned your self-worth, if you ever questioned if you were really loved, if you struggle or have struggled with addiction or have ever hustled for worthiness. This book is for you.

Shaley is such a relatable and accessible writer. Thoroughly descriptive. So visual and clear. And such great storytelling. As someone who genuinely cares for Shaley, it was hard to read how much that internal questioning was dependent on others' validation and love. And Shaley isn't alone. That yearning to FEEL love IS transformative. And it's hard not to question whether or not you will be loved with constant and incessant anti-LGBTQ messaging out there... wondering if you aren't loved because you are queer, or masculine of center, or butch, or societally-othered in some way... it can be EXHAUSTING and can really damage and destroy one's sense of grounding and wholeness.

The one-two punch of homophobia along with feeling unaccepted and unloved... those pervasive thoughts are corrosive and as evidenced in Shaley's own journey, destructive.

There were so many points of Shaley's experience that readers will relate to. I love the Peanut Gallery and Samuel L. Jackson inner monologues. I love Chuck Howard and Geri. Some very funny LOL moments...even in the hard.

And the lovely fated introduction of Snapper... that was a beautiful full circle moment. Imparting the "You're going to be okay. You're exactly who you're meant to be and you are loved and seen and valid and worthy" sentiments to a 10-year old butch lesbian... the message that Shaley deserved as a young child but never heard... well, if that doesn't make you tear up...

Excuse Me, Sir - Memoir of a Butch is a reminder that everyone has a "hard." And hopefully, serves to remind us to offer more compassion, grace, kindness, and love to ourselves and especially to others - even and especially when we don't know what others' struggles are.

Great work, my friend.

So open and honest

I love how open and honest and relatable they are and I appreciate getting to experience their journey. I am so glad that they have come out the other side and rebuilt their life

Authentic and Funny!!

Such a great read. I love Shaley’s view of life and her authenticity about the realities of the world she lived in.

The juxtaposition of intimacy and hilarity, hope and despair, devastation and triumph!

If you are searching for a book to casually listen to, or simply sit and read, this is not it! This book is an experience that will never leave you. I found myself jumping with joy, and cheering from the sidelines, screaming STOP Don’t Do It! Crying, laughing, taking a deep breath, holding it, and then finally exhaling with relief. It gave me chills, it caused me to sweat, i’d squeeze my eyes tightly closed, or they would fly open with shock or surprise. Jump in, you will not be disappointed and you want to share it (or buy it) with/for all of your friends and family. An amazing triumphant debut of which I can hardly wait to see what comes next!

An honest delight!

Shaley's trip through her dysfunctional family, baby butch problems and addiction is highly relatable. You'd expect it to be a dark ride, but instead it's wrapped in Shaley's unique humor and continued optimism; giving you the feeling that despite everything, it'll all be ok in the end.

A journey of self-discovery, resilience, & healing

When reading Shaley Howard's memoir, "Excuse Me, Sir! Memoir of a Butch," I couldn't put it down. It is an unflinching portrayal of her coming out struggles and the challenges faced by many LGBTQIA individuals, particularly those grappling with their identity in a time when “acceptance” wasn’t talked about. What struck me the most is how she courageously tackles the tough stuff—like grappling with her identity, battling internalized shame, the profound impact of societal stigma, and coping with addiction.

As a mental health therapist working with LGBTQIA folx, I found Howards honesty refreshing and her resilience inspiring. She doesn't sugarcoat the struggles, but she also doesn't forget to sprinkle in moments of lightheartedness and hope. She offers valuable insights into the complexities of addiction and the intersectionality of LGBTQIA experiences.

This book serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of creating safe and affirming spaces for LGBTQIA individuals to explore and embrace their identities without fear of judgment or discrimination.

READ THIS BOOK. SHARE THIS BOOK. MAKE CHANGE HAPPEN.

The author is my actual blood cousin.

I’m so proud of my cousin Shaley! She was always so happy go lucky and strong that, I have to admit, I had no idea what she was going or went through. What an eye opener! It took a lot of courage to write such an honest and relatable story for so many out there struggling with the same issues.

EXCELLENT STORY OF TRANSFORMATION

Shaley crafts a compelling story of her life as a closeted lesbian in the homophobic society of a 1970s-90s America. Compounding the crushing denial of her true identity, she details her life with warring divorced parents and her consequent descent into drug and alcohol addiction.

Throughout her story, Shaley's voice brings to life her struggle to belong and accept herself as a valuable and amazing person, while combating the inner voice telling her she wasn't worth anything. While tackling serious issues such as the pain of coming out in a society that, at the time, considered the LGBTQ+ community an abomination, and the rock bottom of losing everything to drug and alcohol addiction, Shaley's smart, quick-witted personality shines through, leaving the reader feeling aching compassion while laughing out loud.

Thoroughly visual, Shaley paints a linguistic picture of how she grew from a confused, terrified little girl, to the strong, clean, butch lesbian and talented writer that she is. I highly recommend this book - especially to parents with LGBTQ+ children. Its message is clear: love isn't everything - it's the only thing.

Lunch with an old friend…

Listening to Shaley tell this story, her story is liking sitting down and having a cathartic lunch with a dear friend. Honest, intimate, might cry together but will definitely laugh together about the crying later.